For some girls, ending an engagement is not limited to the end of a relationship. It can also lead to family pressure, social judgment, and concerns about getting married again.
Salam Watandar’s interviews with 17 girls aged 18 to 30 in 10 provinces of Afghanistan show that 12 had been engaged to relatives, while the other five had been engaged to people outside their families. The girls interviewed for this report said they faced blame, worried about what people would say, and found it harder to trust others after their engagements ended. Some also became more careful when choosing a new partner.
Rabia, a 26-year-old resident of Faryab, says the end of her five-year engagement affected her morale and social relationships. She adds that whenever marriage is discussed, she worries about going through the same experience again.
“Even with some people I used to talk to comfortably, I began to keep my distance. I feel better now, but whenever someone talks about marriage, I first worry that the same experience might happen again,” she says.
Among the 17 girls interviewed, seven cited differences in views, a lack of understanding, incompatibility, family restrictions, a lack of independence, and illness as reasons for ending their engagements. Six said their engagements ended because of family pressure, interference, and a lack of consent. Two cited long engagement periods and uncertainty about the future, while the other two mentioned infidelity and discovering that their fiancés had been married before as reasons for ending their engagements.
Mahdiya, a 22-year-old resident of Daikundi, cites differences in views and behavior, as well as disagreements between the two families, as the reasons for ending her engagement.
“I was engaged for about two years. My fiancé was a family acquaintance, and our families had known each other for a long time. Over time, we realized that we had major differences in our views, ethics, and attitudes toward life. Some behaviors and family disputes also made me feel that continuing the relationship would not be suitable for either of us in the future,” she adds.
Fariba, a 26-year-old resident of Nuristan, says her engagement was ended against her wishes after three months because her fiancé’s family learned that she had heart disease and began putting more pressure on her.
“From the day they found out, their behavior toward me gradually changed, and they began to distance themselves from me. Later, after I underwent heart surgery, the situation became worse. Eventually, they forced me to end my engagement,” she adds.
For some girls, ending an engagement has also led to blame and judgment from people around them.
Among the 17 girls interviewed, six said they were blamed for ending their engagements, while five said people questioned and criticized them about their reasons for doing so. Three said they faced the belief that ending an engagement would limit their chances of getting married again. Another three said people around them treated them as divorced women or as women whose marriages had failed.
Morowat Ahmadi, a 28-year-old resident of Kapisa, says she ended her one-year engagement by her own choice because her fiancé could not make decisions independently and his family members interfered in their relationship. She says she faced judgment from relatives afterward, which negatively affected her morale and emotional well-being.
“People and relatives judged me unfairly. They said the problem must have been with me, that I had ethical problems or bad behavior. These judgments had a very negative effect on my morale,” she says.
Family support after the end of an engagement varied among the girls interviewed.
Among the 17 girls interviewed, eight said their families supported their decisions, while seven received some support but also faced family pressure or concerns. The other two said they did not receive enough support from their families. The girls said that family support helped some of them cope more easily with social pressure and the psychological consequences of ending an engagement.
Mahjoba Mohammadi, a resident of Badakhshan, says differences in views and beliefs between her and her fiancé led to the end of their engagement. However, her family’s support helped her deal with the pressure she faced afterward.
“I made the final decision myself, but I also spoke with my family and asked for their opinions. In the end, my family supported my decision. It was important to me to make the decision after careful thought and consultation, rather than out of anger or because of a small problem,” she adds.
Atena Rezaei, a 30-year-old resident of Balkh, says she suffered severe psychological pressure and depression after her engagement ended because she did not receive enough support or attention from her family. She adds that she is still suffering from the consequences of the experience.
“After my engagement ended, many things in my life changed. I became severely depressed, and my family no longer paid attention to me or treated me properly. I went through many difficult days after the engagement ended, and I am still suffering from severe depression,” she adds.
For the 17 girls interviewed, the end of an engagement had consequences beyond the loss of a relationship. They spoke about psychological pressure, lower self-confidence, social isolation, and fear of going through the same experience again. In some cases, these factors also influenced their decisions about future marriage and their participation in social life.
Zahra Alawi, another 23-year-old resident of Daikundi, says the end of her engagement has affected her decision about getting married again, and she is still not ready to accept a new relationship.
“About a year ago, some of my relatives wanted me to marry someone from their family. He had previously divorced his wife, but I did not accept the proposal because I was not ready to enter such a relationship,” she adds.
A number of psychologists say that the end of an engagement can affect girls’ self-confidence and social relationships, making them afraid of being judged by others and worried about getting married again.
Asila Naqshband, a psychologist, says that in some cases, ending an engagement can lower girls’ self-confidence and lead to social isolation.
“After an engagement ends, girls may face blame, fear of people’s judgment, and concerns about getting married again. This can lower their self-confidence and make them feel that they have failed,” she adds.
Women’s rights activists emphasize the importance of women being aware of their right to choose their spouses. They say that family and social pressure can prevent women from exercising this right. Fakhriya Samandari, a women’s rights activist, says:
“The level of women’s awareness of their right to choose a spouse varies. In many cases, knowing the law alone is not enough. Even when a girl knows she has the right to make decisions about her marriage, family pressure, fear of social judgment, concerns about the future, economic dependence, fear of being labeled based on ethnicity, and traditional attitudes may prevent her from exercising that right.”
Meanwhile, the Ministry for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice of the Islamic Emirate emphasizes the continuation of its awareness programs on the rights and responsibilities of husbands and wives, aiming to reduce family disputes and prevent separations. Saif-ul-Islam Khyber, spokesperson of the ministry, says:
“The Ministry for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice runs awareness programs to prevent family problems and disputes between husbands and wives. These programs help husbands learn about women’s rights and women learn about their husbands’ rights under Islamic Sharia. Many of these problems arise because both sides are unaware of the religious rules they must respect.”
These experiences come as a United Nations report published in 2025 shows that marriage decisions in Afghanistan are often influenced by family and society, while women’s and girls’ individual choices are influenced by social and economic pressures and traditional norms.
Reporter: Faisal Ibrahimkhail
