Sheikh Hibatullah Akhundzada, the leader of the Islamic Emirate, has emphasized the importance of an adult girl’s consent in matters of engagement and marriage in a decree issued on March 19, 2025. The decree states that a girl’s guardian must consult her and consider her consent when arranging her engagement, and that he cannot force her to marry without her consent.
Under Islamic Sharia, an engagement is a promise to marry and is different from Nikah (the marriage contract). Therefore, if the two parties do not have the necessary understanding to continue the relationship before the marriage contract, they can decide whether to continue or end the engagement through negotiation and family consultation, while considering the circumstances.
According to experts, the engagement period is a good opportunity for the two parties to get to know each other better and assess their compatibility in terms of their thinking, character and family for married life. If major differences emerge during this period in their views, lifestyle or other important matters, it is better to discuss the issue calmly and carefully to make an appropriate and well-considered decision.
Differences in family views, lifestyle, the level of understanding between the two parties, mutual interest and consent, as well as other important issues, are among the things that may lead families to reassess the engagement.
Religious scholars also emphasize that an engagement is different from Nikah (the marriage contract) and that decisions about marriage should be made based on the consent and mutual understanding of both parties. Therefore, it is better to discuss whether to continue or end an engagement calmly and through consultation, without creating tension.
However, in some families, a girl’s decision to end an engagement may face opposition from her fiancé, his family or even members of her own family. Concerns about what people will say, maintaining relations between the two families, fear of infamy and local beliefs are among the factors that may increase opposition to ending an engagement.
In some cases, this opposition may include family pressure, threats to cut off financial support, blame or cutting off contact with family, which can make it difficult for girls to make decisions about their future married life.
In other cases, a person may have become engaged at a young age and, after reaching an age when they can make their own decisions, have a different view about continuing the relationship. In such situations, it is better to discuss the matter by considering the current circumstances, the person’s decision and the views of both families through negotiation and consultation.
Religious scholars recommend that, in such situations, families should carefully consider each other’s reasons and views instead of increasing disputes. They should also create an environment in which the person can make a calm and informed decision about their future married life.
Experts also say that continuing an engagement when there is not enough understanding between the two parties may lead to family problems in the future. For this reason, carefully discussing these issues during the engagement period can help the two parties make a suitable decision about their future life.
If disputes arise, families can seek advice from family elders, religious scholars and trusted people from both sides. The purpose of such consultations should be to find a suitable way to resolve the issue while maintaining peace and respect between the two families.
From a psychological perspective, it is better to make decisions about marriage in a calm environment, without concern or anxiety.
Experts say that when a person has enough time to assess the circumstances and express their views, they can make a more well-considered decision about their future married life. Mudasser Mumtaz, a legal expert, says,
“Under Sharia and Hanafi jurisprudence, an engagement is a promise to marry. This period is an opportunity for the two parties to get to know each other properly and learn about each other’s character and the circumstances of married life. During this period, if there is a problem between the two parties or they do not have the necessary understanding, the issue can be assessed through family consultation and negotiation. First, it is better for the families to talk together and find a suitable way to resolve the issue. If they cannot reach a desired outcome, they can also seek help from the relevant authorities.”
Abdulahad Ateed, a religious scholar, also says, “Islam allows an engagement to be ended under certain circumstances, including when there are serious differences between the two parties in religiosity, views or other important aspects of life, and continuing the relationship is not in their best interests. In such situations, the matter can be discussed according to Sharia principles and through consultation.”
Overall, an engagement is a stage for getting to know each other and making a decision before the marriage contract. Continuing an engagement requires mutual understanding and consent. Experts and religious scholars emphasize that when disputes arise, families should carefully consider the views and wishes of both parties before making a decision and should avoid putting pressure on them or creating tensions.
They believe that creating an environment where the two parties can make calm and informed decisions can help prevent more serious disputes in married life and preserve respect and relations between the two families.
Reporter: Zarafshan Sharifi
