Although Islamic Sharia permits polygamy and second marriage under specific conditions, a number of women in Kunduz say they have repeatedly faced pressure from their husbands’ families to persuade their husbands to take a second wife.
They say this pressure is largely driven by traditional beliefs, including not having a son, concerns about continuing the family lineage, infertility in some cases, and, at times, a woman’s decision to space her pregnancies. They say such pressure often undermines a family’s emotional well-being.
Religious scholars and legal experts say that remarriage should never result from family pressure. They emphasize that women who suffer psychological harm, face threats, or experience violations of their rights because of such pressure may seek protection through legal channels and dispute-resolution mechanisms.
Doctors, meanwhile, say that women play no role in determining a child’s biological sex; whether a child is born a boy or a girl is determined by the father’s chromosomes.
This report interviewed women whose husbands’ families consider second marriage as a family necessity. They say the issue has caused anxiety, insecurity, and tension in their lives.
Zarghona Ahmadi, a 34-year-old resident of Kunduz, says she has repeatedly faced pressure during her 12 years of marriage for her husband to enter into a second marriage.
“Because we have three daughters, they keep saying that my husband must have a son too. Their words have filled my life with fear. I feel that a decision could be made at any moment that would change my life,” she says.
Despite these pressures, she says she has a good relationship with her husband and that he has never wanted to take another wife.
“Most of the pressure comes from my mother-in-law and some older members of my husband’s family. My husband has repeatedly told me that he is satisfied with our marriage and has made no such decision. However, when his family continually raises the issue, it inevitably affects our relationship. Sometimes I feel that because I have not given birth to a son, my value within the family is being questioned,” she adds.
Shakila Mohammadi, a 29-year-old resident of Kunduz, also says that the issue of remarriage has been raised in her family primarily because she does not have a son and because of traditional beliefs about continuing the family lineage.
“They always say that a family is incomplete without having a son. Those words have left me worried that my life could change. I believe no one has the right to dictate how a husband and wife should live. This is our life. When others try to force my husband into a second marriage, I feel that my rights and my personality are being ignored. I consider it a form of pressure and a violation of the right to make decisions about married life,” she says.
Freshta Azimi, a 37-year-old woman, says she feels uneasy as her husband’s family continues to pressure him to enter into a second marriage.
“They keep saying that he must have a son. Those words, as a threat, have taken away my peace of mind. My relationship with my husband is good, and he has always said that he has no intention of marrying again. But whenever his family raises the issue during family gatherings, I feel insecure. These pressures have made me worried about my future,” she says.
At the same time, some men also confirm that pressure from their families to remarry is largely due to not having a son and concerns about continuing the family lineage.
Abdul Rahman Ahmadi, a 38-year-old resident of Kunduz, says his family has repeatedly encouraged him to take a second wife.
“My family believes that without a son, the family lineage will not continue. That is why they keep pressuring me to remarry. Whenever these comments are made, my wife becomes upset because she feels that my family is blaming her. The situation sometimes creates tension at home. But I am satisfied with my life, and I believe that both daughters and sons are blessings from God. That is why, up to now, I have not made any decision to remarry,” he says.
Mohammad Naeem Seddiqi, a 45-year-old resident of Kunduz, also says many families regard remarriage as a traditional solution to having a son. He explains,
“The elders in the family say that if there is no son, a second marriage is necessary to solve the problem. I have several daughters and no son. But I believe that having a daughter or a son is beyond human control. My family’s peace is more important than these pressures, and I have never wanted to sacrifice my marriage because of such views.”
Meanwhile, religious scholars say that reasons such as not having a son or holding traditional beliefs cannot, by themselves, be considered justification for pressure to enter into a second marriage. They emphasize that marriage in Islam is a serious responsibility and should be based on justice, capability, and mutual consent. They also believe that no one—including family members—has the right to force a man or put him under pressure to remarry.
Shafiullah Ahmadi, a religious scholar, says, “No member of the family has the right to force or pressure a man into taking a second wife, because marriage is a personal decision that carries serious religious responsibilities. Islam emphasizes preserving the dignity of the family, respecting the rights of spouses, and avoiding injustice. It also prohibits harmful interference in the lives of others. If family interference leads to disputes, mistrust, or harm husband or wife’s life, it is considered unacceptable under Sharia. A second marriage is permissible only if a man is able to treat his wives justly and fulfill all the responsibilities that come with it.”
Legal experts also believe that family pressure on men to remarry can have serious consequences for family relationships. They say that when a woman’s rights are disregarded by her husband’s family and they repeatedly interfere in the couple’s life, she has the right to defend her rights through legal and social channels. Shafiqullah Ezedyar, a legal expert, says,
“When pressure to remarry comes from family members, it can lead to disputes, mistrust, and tension between husband and wife. In many cases, such pressures can turn into psychological violence. A woman who is constantly threatened with the prospect of her husband’s remarriage may lose her sense of security. This can have a negative impact on her mental health as well as the well-being of her children. In such circumstances, women have the right to seek protection through legal channels and dispute-resolution mechanisms to defend their rights.”
On the other hand, doctors say that whether a fetus will be male or female is determined by the father rather than the mother. Tabassom Feda, an obstetrics and gynecology specialist, says,
“Determining a child’s biological sex depends entirely on the father because men carry two types of chromosomes, X and Y, while women carry only X chromosomes. If the father’s Y chromosome combines with the mother’s X chromosome, the child will be a boy. If the father’s X chromosome combines with the mother’s X chromosome, the child will be a girl.”
In many traditional Afghan families, not having a son, concerns about continuing the family lineage, and certain cultural beliefs are among the main reasons the issue of a second marriage is raised. However, established scientific evidence clearly shows that a child’s biological sex is determined by the father’s chromosomes, not the mother’s. The continuation of this situation can have serious psychological and social consequences and, ultimately, pose serious challenges to the foundation of the family. Above all, it threatens the peace and stability of married life.
Reporter: Maryam Moqadas
