“I want to continue my education, succeed, and achieve my goals. I am happy and satisfied with the decision I have made.” These are the words of Shafiqa, a 30-year-old resident of Kabul. A journalism graduate, she says she wants to achieve her academic and professional goals before getting married. Shafiqa is not alone in making this choice. Findings from Salam Watandar’s interviews with a number of women show that continuing their education, pursuing careers, and attaining personal independence have become their top priorities.
For this report, 20 girls from eight provinces across Afghanistan were interviewed. 12 of them say that continuing their education and focusing on their careers are the main reasons they have not married, while the remaining eight say they have not yet found a suitable partner for marriage.
Zahra, a 31-year-old from Kabul, says marriage is not merely about entering into a relationship; it also requires the right timing.
“I want to continue my education, make progress in my life, become successful, and then decide to get married. Educated, independent, and aware girls do not rush into marriage, and I’m the same,” she says.
Mursal, a 29-year-old midwifery student from Kabul, also says that continuing her education and building her future career have been her priorities. “I want to continue my studies. Right now, my priority is to build my future and achieve my goals. I still feel that I am in a stage of growth and need to continue my education before deciding to get married.”
Alongside the women who say education and employment are the reasons for postponing marriage, others say the main reason they remain unmarried is that they have not yet met the right person.
Shaima, a 29-year-old girl from Kabul, says she wants a husband of her own choosing who values her wishes and her personality. She adds, “I haven’t found the right person yet. I want a husband whom I choose myself, someone who respects my standards and makes me his priority instead of imposing conditions on me.”
Marwa, a 26-year-old chemistry graduate from Sar-e Pol, says she has received several marriage proposals in recent years but did not consider any of the suitors suitable for married life.
“During this time, I received several marriage proposals, but I did not see any of them as suitable for my life. Some of them were not intellectually or culturally compatible with me. That is why I decided not to rush and instead wait for the right person,” she says.
Among the 20 girls interviewed, 12 identify mutual understanding and honesty as the most important qualities in a future spouse. Three consider stable employment to be the primary requirement, three emphasize education and awareness, while the remaining two say that good character and a sense of responsibility are the defining qualities they want in a life partner.
The findings of these interviews indicate that changing attitudes toward financial independence and informed decision-making have also influenced girls’ views on marriage. 18 of the 20 girls described this shift in perspective as positive.
Kamela, a 32-year-old girl who holds a master’s degree in economics from Samangan Province, says that after completing her education, she focused primarily on building her future career.
“My main focus was building my future career. In my opinion, this change in perspective is positive. Girls today want to be independent and make informed decisions, which is why they do not rush into marriage,” she adds.
Sania Sirat, a 32-year-old girl from Kabul, also expresses satisfaction with her conscious decision regarding marriage, saying that the outcome of this choice has been financial independence. She says,
“I made this choice consciously, and my focus has been on my education and personal progress. I still regard marriage as an important part of life.”
Despite this, all of the participants in this report say they do not reject marriage. They state that if the right circumstances arise and they find the right person, they would consider starting a family.
Rawina Nikzad, a 29-year-old girl from Kabul, says, “If the circumstances are right and I find the right person, I will certainly think about marriage because it is the Sunnah of the Prophet (PBUH).”
Mohaddesa, a 26-year-old from Daikundi, also says that her perspective on choosing a spouse has changed compared with the past.
“I try to make the right and informed choice. My perspective has become more mature than it was before, and I hope to have a peaceful and successful married life,” she says.
Zuhal Amirzada, a psychologist, says that delaying marriage gives women more opportunities to pursue higher education, learn new skills, and advance their careers. It also allows them to better understand their own needs and expectations and to be better prepared for entering married life.
“Delaying marriage can provide a good opportunity for women to achieve their personal goals, gain new skills, and improve their economic circumstances. Girls who postpone marriage have more time to pursue education, advance their careers, and achieve their personal goals, enabling them to enter married life with greater preparedness,” she says.
Abdulsalam Hashimi, a sociologist, believes that marriage at an older age can be accompanied by greater awareness and preparedness. According to him, girls have the opportunity to complete their education and gain work experience.
“When marriage takes place with greater preparedness, it is more likely to be stable and successful. Girls who have the opportunity to pursue higher education and gain experience usually have a better understanding of themselves and of married life, allowing them to enter marriage with a more conscious decision,” he says.
Abdul Ghaffar Ghaffarzada, a religious scholar, says that Islamic teachings do not prescribe a specific age for marriage and that girls may postpone marriage to complete their education or obtain a suitable career.
“According to Islam and Hanafi jurisprudence, if a girl postpones marriage to complete her education or obtain a suitable career, Islam does not prohibit it. However, such a delay should not lead to religious, moral, or social harm,” he explains.
The findings of Salam Watandar’s interviews with 20 women from eight provinces across Afghanistan show that although attitudes toward marriage are changing and education, employment, and financial independence have become priorities, marriage itself remains important to these women. Most of them say that if the right circumstances arise, they will consider starting a family.
Reporter: Liza Omari
