Although Islamic Sharia emphasizes consultation and mutual family understanding in decision-making — including marriage — in many families in Afghanistan the role of mothers in this process is overlooked, and they are excluded from decision-making.
According to jurisprudential sources, including Hanafi jurisprudential, guardianship in marriage (wilayat al-nikah) is generally assigned to the father or another male member of the family. However, this does not mean that the mother’s role is negated.
Zubair Karimi, legal expert, emphasizes the advisory and moral role of mothers in their children’s marriages,
“From the perspective of Hanafi jurisprudence, Al-Imam Al-Aẓam considered the advisory and emotional role of mothers highly important and fundamental. However, regarding guardianship (Wilayat or Wali), this privilege and position are reserved for fathers or male family members. Mothers have an advisory and ethical role.”
Likewise, the principle of consultation (Shura) in Islamic Sharia (Surah Ash-Shura, verse 38) emphasizes participation in decision-making — a principle that, according to legal scholars, includes key family members such as the mother.
In this regard, legal experts say that although the father holds guardianship authority (Wilayat) from a jurisprudential perspective, completely excluding the mother contradicts the spirit of Sharia and the principles of a balanced family.
Parwiz Khalili, another legal expert, says, “Family decisions should be based on mutual understanding, not confrontation. When marriages within a family are arranged through understanding — meaning that the father, the mother, and the daughter, who are the main decision-makers in the family, should all be given a role. If the mother is given a role in these issues, she can help ensure the stability of the family. The position that Sharia, law, and custom grant to the father can also be derived from Islamic texts as recognizing a similar role for the mother.”
He further adds that, legally, mothers cannot file complaints solely because their consultation was ignored; however, when a child’s fundamental rights are violated, a mother can approach judicial institutions. Such cases include marriage without the daughter’s consent, forced marriage, or marriage below the legal age.
“If a marriage is contrary to Sharia, occurs prematurely, or involves an underage girl, the mother clearly has the right to file a complaint in court and later pursue the case through the prosecution and other legal authorities within the framework provided by Sharia and law. In non-Islamic countries, this is considered an important right and part of equality — something fathers possess authority over and mothers should also have. However, in many countries, a woman’s consultation is, unfortunately, recognized as a moral matter rather than a legal one.”
Religious scholars also emphasize mothers’ right to provide consultation in their children’s marriages. Sharifullah Sharifi, a religious scholar, citing jurisprudential principles (Adillatuhu), says that women have the right to advice regarding their daughters’ marriages. He says,
“The mother has the authority and right to provide consultation in the best possible way, but the authority to contract the marriage (Wilayat) belongs to the father. In the presence of the father or brother, guardianship and authority rest with them. Our main reference to argue this is Al-Fiqh al-Islami wa Adillatuhu by Wahbah al- Zuhaili, which states that the mother has the right and authority to advise her daughter, but the authority to give her in marriage belongs to the father.”
Wahbah al- Zuhaili, a contemporary jurist, in his book Al-Fiqh al-Islami wa Adillatuhu, also emphasizes the importance of family involvement in marriage decisions and considers consultation an essential part of a healthy marriage process.
Despite these emphases, some mothers say that in practice not only is their consultation ignored, but even the daughters’ consent is sometimes not considered. Gul Afroz, a 40-year-old mother of eight children from Ghor, says three of her daughters were married without her consultation or the daughters’ consent,
“I am a mother of eight children. Three of my daughters were married off without anyone asking either them or me. My husband and father-in-law make all the decisions. Everything is against my opinion. Most decisions belong more to my husband’s parents. If families consulted one another, our children’s futures would be better.”
Khadija, a 40-year-old mother of five children from Ghor, says that decisions about her daughter’s marriage were made against her opinion. She says,
“A decision about my daughter’s marriage was made against my will, and my husband’s family were the decision-makers. Traditions and family pressure have limited my authority very much, mostly from my husband’s family side.”
Sohaila, 35 years old, another interviewed mother, says that when mothers are excluded from decisions about their children’s marriages and their decision-making rights are taken, they will later be blamed for incompetence, and the same pattern will be repeated with their daughters-in-law. She says,
“If a woman is not involved in decision-making, she feels very weak. When children grow up in such a family, they see that the mother has no authority and do not count on her. From the beginning to the end of life, this can cause a sense of weakness and incompetence for a woman in the family, and it may later be repeated — when the son grows up, he may not give decision-making rights to his wife.”
It is worth noting that ignoring the mother’s role in her daughters’ marriages, although it may not be a clear legal violation in some cases, contradicts the spirit of Sharia and the principles of family understanding, and can weaken the foundation of the family.
