Many mothers who are unable to breastfeed their infants experience a deep sense of injustice, a feeling that they have failed in their maternal responsibilities, and an overwhelming sense of worthlessness. For some, this grief does not fade with time; it lasts for years.
Psychiatrists warn that the sorrow associated with not breastfeeding can pose a serious threat to a mother’s mental health. When this grief is ignored or left unaddressed, it may lead to feelings of worthlessness and guilt, fear of judgment, anxiety, and even depression.
Sayed Esmat Hashemi, a psychiatrist, said in an interview with Salam Watandar that breastfeeding is a sensitive and critical period for mothers. He explained that if, for any reason, a mother is unable to breastfeed her baby, she may enter a stage of emotional crisis, one aspect of which is profound grief.
“If a mother cannot breastfeed her child, various disturbances may develop, potentially leading to postpartum disorders. Mental health problems such as anxiety can also arise,” he said.
He emphasized that families play a fundamental role during this time and noted that when mothers face such challenges, they need support and understanding. He added that husbands should stand by them, offer kind words, show compassion, and create an environment in which mothers feel calm.
Sharafuddin Azimi, another psychiatrist, also stressed the importance of family support—especially from husbands—during the postpartum period. He explained that mothers need increased emotional support at this time to prevent them from blaming themselves.
He added, “Mothers who are unable to breastfeed their children often feel inadequate. They struggle with guilt and a sense that they are not good enough. After childbirth, many experience worry, emotional distress, sadness, anxiety, and even depression. Families can help ease this burden by offering emotional support, showing empathy, and reducing the stress and blame that may fall on the mother.”
Zarghona Muhabbat, a gynecologist and obstetrician, said in an interview with Salam Watandar that breastfeeding is a vital process that supports a baby’s healthy nutrition. However, she noted that in some cases, factors such as poor nutrition during the breastfeeding period, physical health problems, and psychological concerns may prevent a mother from breastfeeding. She explained,
“Several factors can cause breast milk to decrease and eventually dry up. These include a mother’s lack of sufficient knowledge, nervous or emotional stress—which is very significant—fear of breastfeeding, inadequate consumption of high-energy and high-calorie foods, and social influences. For example, some women believe that breastfeeding will negatively affect their figure, beauty, or physical fitness. All of these factors can gradually reduce breast milk production and ultimately lead to it drying up.”
Shafiullah Ahmadi, a religious scholar, explained that Islam emphasizes the importance of feeding and caring for children but does not place blame on women in situations where a mother is genuinely unable to breastfeed. He said,
“If a mother does not have milk, if the child is unable to suckle, or if the baby is ill, then there is no sin upon the mother. Allah Almighty states that no one is burdened beyond their capacity. However, if a mother refrains from breastfeeding due to lack of knowledge or negligence and this causes harm to the child, then she is guilty. This is because feeding and nurturing a child—especially in the first months of life—is a particularly important duty.”
However, several mothers who have been unable to breastfeed their babies say that the experience has left them with deep and lasting grief. They describe feelings of guilt, sadness, self-blame, and a heavy burden on their conscience.
Rowaida Hamidi, a 35-year-old mother of five children, said that not being able to breastfeed her children has caused her to live with constant worry and a painful sense of having been unfair to them. She said,
“When my daughters were born, I breastfed them and felt very good and at ease. But when my sons were born, I was unable to breastfeed them from the beginning. It was very difficult for me to raise them. I kept thinking that I was not a fair mother—my daughters benefited from my breast milk, but my sons did not. I often see myself as lesser in front of my sons, and this has become a constant worry for me. No matter how much I try to forget it, I cannot.”
Najila, a mother of two children, also shared the same experience as Rowaida.
She said, “My daughter is three months old. I am struggling to raise her on formula and fresh milk. I have become mentally disturbed. I feel angry most of the time, and it has become very difficult for me to care for my daughter. I keep telling myself that I will not have another child. Raising a baby without breast milk is very hard—especially when she cries.”
Some women from Kunduz describe their inability to breastfeed as one of the most painful experiences of their lives. They stress that this issue is not merely physical; it also carries a profound psychological burden. According to them, feelings of inadequacy, fear of being judged by others, and constant worries about harming their babies have, over time, led to anxiety, sleeplessness, and even depression.
Negara, a 26-year-old mother of two children, is among women from Kunduz who described her inability to breastfeed as one of the most painful experiences of her live. Negara said,
“I did not have milk for either of my children, so I raised them on formula. My husband, my father-in-law, and my mother-in-law—everyone kept asking why I did not have milk and how long we would have to keep buying formula. People talked and compared me to my mother, saying that even my own mother did not have milk like me.
Everyone has something to say—some kind, others hurtful. I feel a sense of inadequacy in front of my children, and people’s comments have affected me deeply. The way my husband’s family and others treat me is the greatest pain I endure. I am afraid that if I have more children in the future, I will face the same problems again—both at home and outside.”
Kawsar, a mother of one child, also shared a similar experience. She said,
“When my baby was born, he had his own health problems and would not breastfeed. Eventually, my milk dried up. I fed him formula, and it was very difficult for me. I kept asking myself, ‘Why didn’t my baby breastfeed?’ I blamed myself so much that I began to experience mental health problems. In time, I recovered, but even now I still wonder why my baby would not breastfeed. I will never forget the operation I underwent, even after my breast milk was collected.”
Grief related to not breastfeeding is a common experience among many mothers. This emotional distress is often linked to hormonal changes—such as decreased levels of prolactin and oxytocin—as well as the loss of what is regarded as a deep emotional bonding experience, accompanied by feelings of guilt or failure.
Psychologists explain that managing this type of grief requires attention to both physical and emotional well-being. Mothers are encouraged to prioritize adequate rest, maintain healthy and nutritious eating habits, and seek emotional support. They also note that open conversations with a partner, family members, or trusted friends can help reduce feelings associated with this type of grief.
