Findings from Salam Watandar’s interviews with 22 youth across six provinces of Afghanistan show that 20 of them identified harmful comparisons made by family members as the most important cause of low self-esteem. The remaining two participants attributed their low self-esteem to fear of social judgment and the influence of social media.
The youth interviewed for this report described a range of consequences associated with low self-esteem. Four reported social isolation, eight cited reduced self-confidence, four mentioned experiencing self-doubt when making decisions, and another four said they had lost opportunities and experienced depression as a result of low self-esteem. Two participants did not comment on its consequences.
Based on psychological scientific sources, low self-esteem is often associated with the concept of feelings of inferiority. The American Psychological Association (APA) defines this condition as a fundamental sense of inadequacy and insecurity that may stem from a real or perceived deficiency. Researchers note that low self-esteem is not considered an independent mental disorder; rather, it is commonly linked to chronically low self-worth.
Sharifa, a 23-year-old from Kapisa believes that her low self-esteem stems from constant comparisons made by her family. She explains,
“My family tells me that other girls have achieved so much and are working for organizations, while I studied but have not achieved anything. It makes me feel terrible, and I begin to think that I cannot progress as much as they have. It has taken many opportunities away from me.”
Ahmad Khabir, a 28-year-old from Kabul, also believes that family comparisons play a significant role in the development of low self-esteem.
“Even within my family, I was told, ‘Look at so-and-so’s son. He speaks English well and has familiarity with computers, but you do not.’ Those comparisons had such a significant impact on my decision-making that I was unable to apply for jobs,” he says.
Two of the youth interviewed say that part of their low self-esteem stems from their own perceptions of their abilities and their position. They also identified social media as a factor that increases these feelings.
Mohammad Hassan, a 23-year-old from Kabul, says, “I often think about why other people have knowledge and education while I do not. Why am I less capable than others? Because I perceive my position as low, I usually compare myself with others in terms of knowledge.”
Laleh, another 22-year-old resident of Kabul, says, “When schools were closed, I turned to social media. It contributed to emotional exhaustion and psychological distress. Constant comparison creates a very negative feeling. Seeing others achieve success more quickly than you can have harmful effects on your mental well-being.”
Three of the youth interviewed by Salam Watandar say that low self-esteem had taken away important educational and professional opportunities. They add that it not only reduced their self-confidence but also caused them to miss opportunities that could have significantly changed their life path. Mahmood, a 28-year-old from Kabul, says,
“I have lost many opportunities because of low self-esteem. I was offered the position of executive director at a school and successfully completed all stages of the recruitment process. However, when I was told that I would need to meet with teachers and various departments and conduct capacity-building programs, I suddenly gave up the opportunity. I was afraid that my knowledge might be less than that of others. It was a very bad feeling.”
Rahmatullah, a 22-year-old university student from Mazar-e-Sharif, the capital of Balkh, shares a similar experience,
“I was selected to serve as class representative in one of my courses. There were 26 students in the class, and the representative carried the greatest responsibility after the teacher. Although I was very interested in the role, I could not bring myself to accept it and gave the opportunity to someone else. I gave my dream into others’ hands because I thought I was not capable enough.”
Among these youth, some have been referred to doctors for treatment. They say that consulting psychologists and receiving specialized counseling enabled them to develop a different perspective on themselves and their abilities.
Farima, a 25-year-old from Mazar-e-Sharif, who referred to psychologists for treatment of this issue, says,
“I visited a psychologist who spent nearly two hours talking with me. She recommended books, shared motivational videos, and suggested practical exercises. Over the past few months, these measures have helped me stop comparing myself with others and understand that everyone follows a different path in life.”
Horiya, a 23-year-old from Kabul, who also referred to psychologists for treatment, says,
“During the first session, I was advised to read books, stay away from my phone, and avoid being lonely. We then continued with several counseling sessions that involved questions and discussions. After some time, the sessions ended. Praise be to God, I am well and busy with my studies.”
In this report, several parents were interviewed about their children’s feelings of low self-esteem.
Yasin, a 45-year-old father from Mazar-e-Sharif, says that parental criticism and harmful comparisons contribute significantly to the development of low self-esteem among youth.
“My son is currently unemployed. I try not to compare him with others by saying that someone else has a job while he does not. However, his mother often tells him that he should make a greater effort to find work. Conditions today are very different, and finding employment is not easy. Yet instead of understanding these challenges, we as parents often resort to criticism, which can cause youth to become isolated,” he says.
Amjad Khan Danish, a family counselor, believes that low self-esteem among youth stems from multiple factors, one of the most significant being a lack of awareness about child-rearing. He explains,
“Parents’ behavior is highly influential in the development of low self-esteem among youth. Continuous criticism, comparing children with others, a lack of support, and an excessive focus on their shortcomings can all contribute to these feelings. In many families, children are repeatedly told things such as, ‘You cannot do it,’ ‘You will fail,’ or ‘You are a burden.’ These remarks increase feelings of low self-esteem among youth.”
Psychologists and sociologists believe that low self-esteem is rooted in both family and social factors and can lead to reduced self-confidence, depression, and isolation. They say that the increase in these feelings among youth may diminish social participation and creativity, while emphasizing that family support and access to mental health services are essential to addressing the problem.
Zahra Qayoumi, a psychologist, says, “The causes of low self-esteem are largely related to family, society, and the environment. It is most commonly observed among children and youth. Individuals who are aware of the problem may be able to address it themselves or may visit a psychologist. As their self-confidence decreases, they may become depressed. They often tremble in social settings. Low self-esteem is directly linked to low self-confidence, depression, and anxiety.”
Abdulsalam Hashimi, a sociologist, also says, “This problem is widespread in society and is seen in several sectors. First, it reduces the number of active and creative members of society, depriving communities of the energy and innovation of the younger generation. Second, it weakens social participation because many youth feel that their presence is unimportant. Third, it contributes to an increase in psychological and social problems, creating a generation that is less optimistic about the future.”
Meanwhile, Samiullah Ibrahimi, spokesperson for the Ministry of Labor and Social Affairs, says that the ministry has provided vocational and job-related training opportunities for thousands of people over the past year and is working to implement its employment-related commitments.
“Last year, the Ministry of Labor and Social Affairs issued 85,000 work visas to foreign nationals and created employment opportunities for Afghan migrants who returned to the country. In addition, technical and vocational training programs were provided to 4,000 vulnerable individuals in provincial centers and districts. The ministry is working to implement the commitments made during the National Labor Conference,” he says.
Based on a report published by the World Health Organization (WHO) on September 25, 2024, problematic social media use, anxiety, and other mental health problems can affect the psychological well-being of adolescents and youth. The report also highlighted the increasing use of social media in problematic ways and its consequences for mental health and overall well-being.
Similarly, a joint guideline published by the World Health Organization (WHO) and the United Nations Children’s Fund (UNICEF) on October 9, 2024, emphasized the importance of family and social support, as well as access to psychological services for improving the mental health of children and youth.
Reporter: Liza Omari
