Kafa’ah (compatibility), also known as kufu (match) in marriage, is an important juristic and legal concept in Islam. It refers to the suitability and compatibility of a man and a woman in terms of features such as religion, moral character, conduct, culture, and economics. According to legal experts, juristic principles, statutory laws, and international law all emphasize equality and compatibility between spouses in marriage.
Legal experts also emphasize that a lack of compatibility between husband and wife can have a negative impact on the durability of married life.
Zubair Karimi, a legal expert, says that the principles of equality and human dignity are emphasized in both national and international legal documents and underscore the importance of consent, informed choice, and respect for the rights of both women and men in marriage.
“Compatibility is a fundamental legal issue for every individual, whether a woman or a man, but it is particularly important for women. The principles of Islamic jurisprudence on which the Islamic Emirate bases its governance reject oppression and emphasize justice. In matters of compatibility, women should not be subjected to oppression,” he says.
Religious scholars also regard compatibility as a shared right for both women and men and emphasize the importance of religion and ethics in choosing a marriage partner. Mahboob Hanafi, a religious scholar, says,
“The first matter for marriage in Islam is religion; both individuals must belong to the same religion. From the perspective of Sharia, a Muslim man and a non-Muslim woman, or a Muslim woman and a non-Muslim man, are not considered kufu’ (compatible), and such a marriage is not acceptable. Lineage and financial compatibility, meaning being financially on the same level, are important. Islam also emphasizes ethics, and the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said: ‘When someone whose religion and moral character satisfy you comes to seek your daughter’s hand in marriage, then marry her to him.'”
According to him, greater family awareness and attention to features such as ethics, accountability, education, good behavior, and avoiding addiction can prevent many problems after marriage.
“Women can raise the conditions they consider important for compatibility before marriage, such as ethics, religious commitment, employment, education, being free from addiction, and financial stability. If, after marriage, a woman discovers negative traits in her husband, she may refer the matter to the relevant courts to seek annulment of the marriage or compel her husband to reform his behavior. Another solution is to increase public awareness through mosques, schools, and various conferences,” he adds.
However, Tahmina Mangal, a women’s rights activist, says that the absence of compatibility in marriage can lead to family disputes, a decline in mutual respect, and psychological harm to both spouses and their children. She explains,
“When there is no compatibility in a marriage, it can lead to negative consequences such as dissatisfaction, feelings of inadequacy, and a decline in mutual respect, all of which contribute to increased tension and disputes. Such tensions can undermine mental well-being. If the couple has children, ongoing parental disputes can negatively affect their upbringing and health and may even increase the likelihood of separation or divorce in the long run. Having clear criteria for choosing a spouse is very important. At the same time, if both partners are flexible and have a stronger sense of mutual understanding, some differences can be managed. However, if fundamental differences in values and goals are ignored, they are likely to create problems in the future.”
Many women and men believe that neglecting compatibility in marriage paves the ground for family disputes. They complain about the lack of ethical, intellectual, and economic understanding in their married lives and say that ignoring the principle of compatibility when getting married has exposed them to serious challenges.
Maryam, who has been married for two years, says that before her marriage she had no understanding of her husband and no knowledge of his character or financial capacity. She says that her husband is unable to provide for her and their children’s expenses and is lazy and addicted, whereas she herself was raised in a family with a moderate economic background and Islamic morals.
“My husband cannot provide for our household expenses. He is both lazy and addicted to hashish. His unemployment led to constant arguments between us, and I eventually returned to my father’s home. I stayed there for about a month until elders were brought in and the issue was resolved. Although the issue was resolved, our disputes have continued. If I had known my husband and his family beforehand, I would never have agreed to marry into such a family,” she says.
Meanwhile, Abdul Rahim, a resident of Kohistan district in Kapisa, says that he has been married for four years and has two children, but he and his wife are not compatible in terms of education and age. He says that his wife is educated and grew up in a financially comfortable household, while he works as a taxi driver and has limited financial means.
“I work as a driver, while my wife is educated. She is about ten years younger than I am. The main problem is that we constantly disagree over financial decisions. I want to save money for the future, but my wife spends unnecessarily and has greater expectations. She calls me stingy and has repeatedly disrespected me. Before getting married, people should consider whether the other person’s expectations are compatible with their own so that their married life does not suffer later,” he says.
Nevertheless, experts emphasize that compatibility does not imply the superiority of one spouse over the other. Rather, it refers to a proportionate balance and harmony in the fundamental aspects of married life—an approach that can help increase mutual understanding, reduce tensions, and strengthen family stability.
Reporter: Masouda Akbari
