Islamic Sharia and legal experts consider emotional support one of the fundamental pillars of married life and emphasize love, respect, and kind treatment between husband and wife — a right whose violation can even provide grounds for filing for divorce. However, a number of women complain about the lack of affection and emotional understanding in their marriages, saying that the situation has placed them under psychological pressure.
Nilofar, a 25-year-old woman from Kabul who has been married for four years, says that after the first year of marriage she began experiencing emotional neglect from her husband, which has negatively affected her mental health. She says,
“After one year of marriage, I realized that my husband was no longer emotionally supportive. Most of the time, he ignores me and does not listen to what I say. He even dismisses my wishes. He has never supported me emotionally. The lack of affection has seriously affected my mental well-being, and I feel lonely. Sometimes I become anxious and feel worthless. When I ask him why he does not pay attention to me, he says, ‘You are very patient; you’re just depressed and imagining things.’”
Freshta, a 34-year-old woman from Kunduz who has been married for 12 years, also describes a similar experience. She says that the absence of affection has affected her relationship with her children and has sometimes made her consider seeking a legal solution.
“My husband is emotionally very cold. He never says affectionate words. This lack of affection has made me lose my temper quickly, and it has even affected my behavior toward my children. I shout at them and become angry very easily. My husband’s lack of affection has also caused me to neglect my children. Several times I thought about taking legal action because his behavior becomes colder every day, but for the sake of my children’s future, I did not do it because I did not want them to suffer further harm,” she says.
Somaya, a 26-year-old woman from Kabul, says that emotional tiredness and lack of understanding from her husband have left her uncertain about whether to continue her marriage or seek separation. She says,
“The lack of affection has left me emotionally tired. Sometimes I cry for no reason and feel that no one understands me. Affection in married life means empathy, listening to your spouse, and standing by them during difficult times. I have not taken legal action to address this issue mainly because I do not know where to start or what I should do. I do not know much about my legal rights, and no one has explained them to me.”
Shakila, a 28-year-old woman from Bamyan, also says that her husband’s neglect has made her feel worthless, forcing her to continue the marriage out of necessity. She says,
“My husband pays no attention to me. He does not even see me as his wife or companion. There are many issues that should be shared and resolved between us, but he says, ‘What do you even understand that I should tell you everything?’ I became upset and went to my mother’s house. I thought he would come after me or at least call me, but he only said, ‘As you wish—whether you come or don’t come.’ That forced me to return home on my own. Since that day, I have felt even more worthless.”
Legal experts do not consider the absence of emotional support merely an ethical issue; rather, they describe it as a matter related to women’s rights within the family. They emphasize that if the problem cannot be resolved through understanding and dialogue, women can take legal action through the courts. Zaheda Kohestani, a legal expert, says,
“A woman has the right to receive respect and affection from her husband. If there is no respect, problems may arise within the household that could lead to separation. If a husband does not behave or speak properly toward his wife, the woman should first inform an elder within the family so the issue can be resolved through discussion. If discussion fails to solve the problem and the woman continues to suffer emotional and psychological harm, she has the right to seek separation through the courts or through customary mechanisms.”
Mohammad Akbar Gojarwal, another legal expert, says that emotional support is one of the fundamental pillars of married life, and its absence can have serious consequences, even leading to separation.
“When a wife does not receive emotional support from her husband, it is a form of injustice against her rights. Afghanistan’s civil law states that if spouses fail to maintain affection, it may be considered psychological violence. If such behavior continues, judicial authorities are obligated to address the matter once a complaint is filed by the woman, and she may also request separation,” he says.
Religious scholars say that violence and lack of emotional support are not the same, but they emphasize that women have the right to emotional support under Islamic Sharia. Hekmatullah Fazli, a religious scholar, says,
“Lack of emotional support — such as not speaking, not showing affection, being emotionally cold, and not paying attention — is itself a form of mild oppression. However, violence means beating, insulting, and causing physical or emotional suffering, all of which are forbidden in Islam. Islam does not only emphasize financial support, such as alimony, but also considers emotional support essential.”
Referring to the status of women in Islam, he also adds, “There is a hadith in which a woman came to the Prophet (PBUH) and said that her husband argued with her over minor issues and sometimes beat her. The Prophet (PBUH) told the husband, ‘Your face has darkened because you beat your wife. Have you no shame before God?’ The Prophet (PBUH) then advised that a woman should not be beaten like a servant because, in Islam, women are described as garments for one another. Therefore, a person should treat his spouse with kindness.”
On the other hand, Frozan Dawoodzai, a women’s rights activist, says that lack of awareness, forced marriages, and failure to observe Islamic principles are among the main causes behind the decline of emotional support between couples.
“The main factors are lack of awareness, low levels of education, and failure to observe Islamic principles. Sharia emphasizes that when two people marry, they should fully understand one another and share similar thinking. Since many marriages in Afghanistan are forced, couples often lack compatibility from the very beginning, and therefore have little emotional understanding or the affection that should exist between husband and wife.”
Saif-ul-Islam Khyber, spokesperson for the Ministry of Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice of the Islamic Emirate, says that awareness programs have been launched to help people establish healthy Islamic relationships.
“A woman has the right to receive affection and be treated with kindness, and the husband is responsible for cooperating with and encouraging his wife so they can live a happy life. This ministry has resolved more than one hundred thousand such cases across all provinces, and its employees advise people regarding women’s rights and proper behavior toward women. Mosque imams have also been asked to raise awareness on this issue,” he adds.
It is worth noting that the stories shared by women and the views expressed by experts show that a lack of awareness is one of the main reasons for the decline in affection within families—an issue that can have serious psychological and social consequences for both women and children.
Reporter: Liza Omari
