KABUL (SW) – Findings from Salam Watandar’s interviews with 43 young girls of marriageable age show that 27 of them plan to marry Afghan men living abroad, while 16 others calmly state that it does not matter to them where their future husband lives in the world.
According to the report, marrying someone from outside the country seems to have become a relatively new trend, as these girls see the key to their happiness in marriage outside of Afghanistan.
Just as the meaning of happiness differs for each individual, the reasons for these girls’ attraction to marrying someone abroad are similarly diverse. These reasons include escaping traditional conditions and cultural restrictions, being fed up with the current unstable situation in the country, pursuing higher education, and securing a better life for future generations.
Fatima, a resident of Balkh, who is of marriageable aga, says: “The only way we can have a good life and pursue education is by marrying someone abroad, and I would like my future husband to be a person residing outside the country.”
Bahaar, a resident of Kabul who is also of marriageable age, says that she plans to live outside Afghanistan because she wants to both start a family and continue her education to achieve her goals. “ … as the situation in Afghanistan is worsening day by day.”
Mahnaz, another Kabul resident, shares similar concerns. “Many people have worked hard for 20 to 22 years, studying and building their lives. However, with the change in regime, some have abandoned everything and moved abroad,” she said.
Mahnaz also expresses her fear about getting married within Afghanistan, as she worries that if another regime change occurs, she may have to leave behind all the hard work she has invested in her life. “That’s why I feel secure thinking that my future husband should be from outside Afghanistan.”
Achieving economic security and ensuring a good life for future generations are also among the concerns of girls who have reached marriageable age within the country and are seeking to marry someone living abroad.
Zainab tells Salam Watandar: “The person raised and educated abroad is self-reliant and can ensure our lives if he marries me or another girl. From this perspective, this person is a good option for me, and at least the future generation will be able to live in a safe environment where education is available.”
The attraction to marrying someone abroad is so strong for some girls that they say they will either marry someone living abroad or prefer to remain single. These girls have said that because of this attraction, they do not consider the age, personality, or character of the potential spouse as important.
Tamana, one of these girls, says: “If the suitor is not from abroad, I would rather remain unmarried.” Psychologists, however, view this attitude as highly damaging and concerning.
Narges also agrees. “We prefer that the suitor be from abroad, and his age and bad character don’t matter.”
The findings of this report show that 16 of the participating girls say it doesn’t matter to them where their future husband lives, but they would prefer to live inside Afghanistan rather than escape the realities of their country.
“I would like my future husband to be living inside Afghanistan, to have higher education, and it doesn’t matter if his economy is average, as long as he is religious and honest,” Shabana told Salam Watandar.
“Living inside Afghanistan is better because when a person is in the same environment, it’s easier to understand each other, and they are closer to their family. Additionally, the place where a person grew up is comfortable, they know the language, and they are familiar with the surroundings,” another girl Sanam said.
Given this situation, sociologists Rashed Sediqi, believes that the attraction of some girls to marry someone living abroad is a result of some certain conditions in Afghanistan.
He stated: “The closure of schools and universities is one of the serious problems, and its impact on the future generation of the country, which is supposed to take over the leadership, is significant. This issue has led to an increased interest among women in marrying someone from abroad, and the consequences of this decision will have irreversible impacts on society, culture, and all aspects of life.”
Psychologists argue that marrying someone from abroad without considering their personality, morals, education, and other personal characteristics might just be an escape from one challenge, which could lead to an even bigger problem later.
Sewita Habibi, a psychologist, weighed in: “Women today are facing psychological and emotional problems and believe that the only way to achieve their goals is through marriage abroad. They can develop issues like anxiety and depression, and while there are positive and negative sides to this, adapting to a new environment can be challenging.”
Another psychologist Haibatullah Ebrahimi, says that one cannot be happy in a marriage just because the person lives abroad, and for a marriage to succeed, more important personal and relational criteria should be considered.
Some of the girls in this report see marriage with someone abroad as a way to escape their certain challenges, but psychologists believe that making such decisions without considering the character of the partner could lead to a new crisis—one filled with internal conflicts between husband and wife, and due to being away from family and familiar environments, the intensity of these conflicts may cause greater harm to these women.
