KABUL (SW) – Salam Watandar conducted interviews with 22 young couples, including 6 men and 16 women, across several provinces to explore the impact of family interference on their married lives.
The findings reveal that such interference has negatively affected the quality of these couples’ relationships and, in some cases, has led to separation.
Out of the 22 interviewed couples, 15 reported that their families’ involvement had led to conflicts, violence, and even temporary separations. These 15 couples described how their families interfered in various aspects of their lives, including household chores, decision-making, dress code, education, choice of residence, and child-rearing.
Sara, a resident of Balkh, shared her experience, saying that although she wished to continue her studies and become a doctor after marriage, her husband’s family prevented her from attending school in the early days of their marriage. She added that years of continued interference from her in-laws have led to ongoing conflicts and violence in their marriage. “Even during my pregnancy, they didn’t spare me. I was beaten several times. I had hoped to become a doctor, but now I am left with nothing,” she said.
Giti, a 32-year-old mother of four from Kabul, mentioned that despite living independently, her husband’s family still interferes in the way she dresses and raises her children. She explained, “My in-laws would relay even the smallest details of my daily life to my husband, who, due to his lack of experience, would sometimes get angry, leading to arguments.”
Family interference not only creates violence and conflicts between couples but also diminishes men’s independence in decision-making and increases their dependence on their families. This interference undermines their sense of responsibility.
Among the 6 men interviewed, 3 reported that their families’ interference had led to a loss of independence in making both minor and major decisions.
Hamid Jan, 32, said that despite being married for 13 years, his wife’s family still interferes 60% in their lives. “My responsibilities are determined by my mother-in-law and my brother’s wife. They want me to separate from my family, but I don’t want to because they are weak,” he stated.
Nasratullah, 30, who has been married for three years, said that his in-laws dictate how events should be organized, “insisting that weddings must be held in hotels and that clothes, jewelries, and other items should be expensive.”
Disheartenment with continuing married life and lack of a clear plan are additional consequences of family interference in couples’ lives. Some female interviewees in this report have expressed regret over their marriages due to ongoing interference from their in-laws.
Fatima, a resident of Kabul, shares her regret about losing her independence in married life. She explains, “My mother-in-law used to choose the clothes for my eldest son and took the money from me. Until my son was four years old, I had no right to choose what he wore; everything was chosen by my mother-in-law. I think being single would have been better.”
However, some couples, after enduring years of family interference, have managed to end such involvement and start a more independent life.
Hasiba and Noor Ahmad, after gaining independence, no longer allowed their families to interfere in their married life. Hasiba says, “I have a job, but everyone was against me. My sister-in-law said I should not study because I should take care of my children. My mother-in-law and brother-in-law interfered in our leisure activities, shopping, and other matters.”
Noorullah, another young married man, also says, “Now I don’t allow anyone to interfere. I received no support from either my family or my in-laws.”
Among the 22 interviewees, six couples reported that their families do not interfere in their married lives. These couples attribute this lack of interference to effective management of their lives and the high level of awareness among their families.
Asma, who has been married for several years, attributes the lack of interference to the education of her in-laws. She says, “My in-laws don’t interfere at all because they are educated and understand that meddling in their children’s married life would only cause problems.”
Obaidullah, one of the interviewees, also comments, “My in-laws are progressive. I haven’t seen any interference from them and am confident they will not interfere in the future.”
On the other hand, Abdul Ghafar Farooq, spokesperson for the Ministry of Propagation of Vice and Prevention of Virtue (MoPVPV), asserts that any interference in couples’ marital lives is considered a crime. He says that the ministry addresses complaints from residents regarding family matters.
“According to Sharia, no one has the right to interfere, and any such interference is a crime. If it falls under the jurisdiction of the ministry, we will register, review, analyze, and follow up on the complaint. If the complainant is not satisfied, the matter will be formally referred to court,” Farooq said.
Sociologists warn that family interference in couples’ lives can negatively impact the quality of marital relationships, satisfaction, and the stability of their bonds, as well as their mental well-being.
Omid Afghan, a sociologist, notes that many conflicts and mental health issues in marriages stem from family interference. “Increased tension, stress, loss of independence and self-esteem, and weakened marital relationships are consequences of such interference. To prevent these issues, couples should actively establish boundaries and obtain their independence in their married life.”
The illiteracy, dependency of young people on their families, lack of financial independence, and families’ lack of confidence in their children’s ability to manage their married life contribute to family interference. This, over time, can damage marital relationships and sometimes lead to separation.
