KABUL (SW) – For their love of motherhood with their children, a number of women have to endure oppression and hardships inflicted by their husbands or their husband’s family members.
In interviews with Salam Watandar, they added that in line with the social norms and practices in the Afghan society, the guardianship of children is the responsibility of fathers, which is why women have to live with their husband and his family by accepting all sorts of difficulties.
Samira is a young lady who lives in Kabul. She said that in order to be not separated from her only daughter, she tolerates any cruelty and oppression of her husband.
This lady, who is disabled, narrated tales of her husband’s tortures and said that when she became aware of his violent personality, she no longer wanted to live with him, but because of her daughter, she endures all the hardships. She added: “Because I have a daughter, I can no longer live without my daughter. There have been many problems in my life, I am disabled myself, I want to separate from my husband, but I can’t separate because I have a daughter. Who will take care of daughter if I separate from her?”
Likewise, Leila, who lives in the north of Kabul, has two daughters. She said that it has been five years since her marriage and to be with her children, she has to endure any cruelty and violence from her husband. Leila, whose face shows signs of physical violence and beatings, said that she kept silent for fear of being separated from her children. She added: “We have been married for five years and we have two daughters. I had family violence and decided to divorce several times, but on the one hand, I had to endure because of my children, and on the other hand, my husband did not agree to divorce. I had to endure life for the sake of my daughters and move on.”
Rena is another lady who lives in the south of Kabul and got married 13 years ago. She, who has four sons and one daughter, talked about her husband’s violence and while holding her breath, she said that not being away from her children was the only reason to endure her husband’s violence. Rena said: “My husband abuses me a lot. I can’t get a divorce because of my children, it will take my children away from me. I don’t want to be away from my children. All the neighbors know that my husband beats me. All the street lawyers and others everywhere understand how I feel.”
It is not only married women who endure any kind of violence due to being separated from their children, but women who have lost their husbands do not have the right to take care of their children based on the customs and traditions of the Afghan society.
Roya (pseudonym) is a woman whose husband died a year ago. She, who is the mother of two sons, in addition to the grief of losing her husband, also bears the pain of separation from her children. This lady, who is 30 years old and became a widow a year ago, said that after the death of her husband, according to the custom of the society and due to the lack of a mahram in her husband’s family, she has now returned to her father’s house. But her husband’s family has taken her children. She added: “My life is very messed up. My in-laws took my two children from me. They told me that if you stay in your father’s house, we will not give you your children. Now that I have come to my father’s house, I am far away from my children.”
Hangama is another lady who lost her husband two years ago. She said that if she marries again, there is a possibility that her husband’s family will take her children away from her and that is why she does not want to marry again. She added: “I can’t get married for a reason and I’m afraid of the future that they won’t take my children away from me and they won’t take custody of my children from me. The person I’m getting married with, they won’t take it from me, they’ll tell me that you no longer have the right to take care of your children.”
In addition to widows, a number of women who have separated from their husbands are also facing the pain of being away from their children.
Sahar is a mother who had to separate from her husband due to family violence. Although she has been saved from physical violence by separating from her husband, but the pain of being away from her four children tortures her every moment. Sahar says that her husband has remarried and she has not seen her children for a long time. She adds: “He left and got another wife. First, he said that I will give you your children, it is your right, you are their mother, but they didn’t give me the children, they took all four of my children from me. Their father married another woman, he made me homeless and childless.”
Meanwhile, a number of residents of Kabul city told Salam Watandar that based on the customs and traditions governing the society and judicial institutions in the current government, women cannot assume the right of guardianship of their children. Shabnam, a resident of Kabul city, said that a man tricked one of her relatives whose husband had died and said that he would take over the guardianship of her child, but after marriage, he sold the child for 10,000 afghanis. He added: “One of our relatives and neighbors, whose husband died, decided to get married again. When she got married, her husband said that he would take care of your child, but as soon as they got married, he no longer accepted the child and sold the child for a very small amount, for 10,000 afghanis. Now his mother is in a very bad condition.”
Narges, another resident of Kabul city, said that she knows a lady whose husband died and now she lives in her father’s house separated from her children. She added: “The first case is that this woman’s husband died in a car accident two years ago and they had three children. After her husband’s death, she had to live in her father’s house, but unfortunately, her children were taken from her and now her children live with their paternal grandmother. The second case is a woman divorced due to her husband’s remarriage, but her husband took her children from her.”
Courts are more supportive of men
A number of defense lawyers also confirm that some women endure a life of violence only to be with their children. According to them, government courts are more supportive of men and force women not to separate from their husbands to be with their children.
Hanifa Raheel, a defense lawyer, told Salam Watandar that in the current government, the judge openly tell women who want a divorce that the custody of the children is the responsibility of the father. She added: “In the government of the Islamic Emirate, this right has been taken away from women. For example, I had seen during the same process when I was in the court. When the women who were fighting for divorce, the judge clearly told them that the child will be taken from you, the child belongs to the father.”
On the other hand, a number of women’s rights activists told Salam Watandar that unilateral judgments and giving custody of children to men have opened their hands to violence against women. According to them, neglecting women’s rights, ignoring family violence by the government and taking custody rights from women have increased the graph of violence against women in the country.
Activists of women’s rights added that in Afghan culture, women are regarded as heritage and after the death of the husband, the husband’s family decides the life of the woman.
Frouzan Davoudzai, a women’s rights activist, said that after the death of the husband, the man’s family marries the woman to another family member. He added: “In most provinces, women are considered as heritage. Of course, in the form of inheritance, whoever the in-laws’ family wants, they can give her in marriage or swear that he does not have the right to take care of his children at all.”
Another women’s rights activist, Khatira Rasakh, said says that family violence against women in Afghanistan is high and the government ignores these violences. She added: “There are many, many cases of violence against women in Afghanistan. You can also see for yourself that, for example, mothers who have seen violence, for example, their fathers die, or they are orphans, that no case or investigation is done, and the government does not pay any attention to this issue.”
Shinkai Karokhil, a member of the House of Representatives of the previous government, said that a small age has been set for children who stay with their mothers after separation, which harms both children and mothers. She added: “In the current family law, a lower age has been set for children to be taken from their mother after a certain age, when a boy is seven years old and a girl is nine years old, and this has made women very vulnerable.”
On the other hand, the officials of the judicial institutions of the caretaker government of Islamic Emirate, although they do not specify a law for the decision on the right of custody, but said that with the change of the system in the country, all cases will be decided based on Hanafi jurisprudence. Abdul Rahim Rashid, head of publications of the Supreme Court, told Salam Watandar that only last year, 409 cases regarding the right of custody of children were registered in courts across the country. He added: “In 1401 H.H, 409 cases were brought to the courts, of which 315 cases were dealt with and 93 cases are ongoing. These cases mean approximately 409 cases from all provinces.”
It should be noted that in Article 249 of the Civil Code of Afghanistan, which was used in the previous government, the mother’s custody of the male child was up to the age of seven and the custody of the female child was up to the age of nine, after which, in case of specific circumstances, the father has the right to guardianship or custody of the children. But, now there is no specific law for the right to custody of children within the framework of guardianship.
ENDS
